Mother’s day just passed and again, I find myself an outsider on this holiday.
Before I explain anything, I need to qualify a few things first.
I was one of those kids who had a broken mother.
I bear no ill will against her, I’m just putting all on my cards on the table at the front of this post.
She had a horrible life.
Growing up fairly affluent, her strong and independent mother ruled her childhood home with an iron fist. Both her parents were successful entrepreneurs at the turn of the 20th century, no small feat during those times. However, you’d be hard pressed to hear my mother or any of her siblings have a kind word to say about the woman who reared them.
My broken mother married a broken man who also came from a home where there was a lot of family dysfunction. He left a brother buried on a hill in Europe in August of 1947 and his entire family was never the same again.
My father, chose alcohol to deal with his pain. That choice didn’t play out well for any of us.
My mother’s reality was far from fun. She ultimately became the single head of household to seven children living in subsidized housing project in Belmont, Massachusetts. When my father was asked to leave, the oldest was 17 and I (the baby) was 2.
When I told people who asked where I lived that my apartment was in the “project” the usual response was, “Belmont has a project?” This wildly white and affluent suburb just 8 miles west of Boston built a development of 100 units that were originally classified as veteran’s housing. We called it “the project”.
It wasn’t your typical project, filled with drug dealers and thugs. No ma’am. It was filled with a lot of broken drunks doing whatever it took to ease their pain. Fortunately for me, this development was in a great community with exceptional public schools and no real crime problems. I was able to get a solid early education and move on.
My early teen years involved a lot of babysitting. It was the only j-o-b I could legally have at a very young age and it totally cured me of any desire to have children. I lived in a world where not only did I see my poor friends living screwed up lives, but the rich ones, too.
This whole being a mother thing was a HUGE responsibility and I wanted nothing to do with it.
Whether we want to believe it or not, our mothers are the single most significant people in our lives.
But here’s the rub…they are all just doing the best job they can with the tools they were given.
Whether you have a good or bad relationship with your mother, it ultimately defines a lot of who you become later on in life.
So here’s the question…How long are you going to be mad at your mother for not giving you what you wanted, needed, hoped for…blah, blah, blah?
How long are you going to let your history dictate your future?
Are you stuck in life because you keep looking back over your shoulder, trying to figure out how to right all the perceived wrongs in your world?
As I continue to learn and grow, I realize I have been stuck too many times in trying to figure out why?
Why I think the way I do.
Why I hold onto things that hold me back.
Why my limiting beliefs are fucking up my life.
Why I was born into this family?
Why this experience is supposed to make me learn and grow.
Why, why, why?
I’m going to say something here that will likely piss some folks off, but I’m going to say it anyway.
STOP TRYING TO NURTURE UNHEALTHY FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS.
Step the hell away from anyone (friends or family) who is toxic to your life.
Until you clean up the collection of messed up people you are surrounded with, you are going no where.
It is not your responsibility to keep doing clean up work for people who have no interest in changing their own painful lives.
It is not your responsibility to make right, all the wrongs that your family members feel were thrust on them.
It is not your responsibility to make anyone else happy.
Can you help someone going through a difficult time?
But there is a HUGE difference between helping someone and enabling them…for decades. Huge.
Family or friend…you are under no obligation to be the punching bag for anyone else who can’t seem to get their shit together. YES, it is good for us to be tolerant for a while, patient with those who are struggling. That’s just good human behavior.
This bullshit of decades and decades of the same bad behavior needs to stop. You aren’t helping anyone. You are enabling their bad behavior and screwing up YOUR life in the process.
Just let go.
All this negative dialogue in you mind is keeping you from moving forward with what YOU need in your life to succeed.
Don’t get caught up in what was behind and what lies ahead, but what you can do today, to move in the direction of your heart’s desire.
Your emotional health depends on your physical health and vice versa.
If you are feeling overwhelmed emotionally maybe wrangling in your physical well being will help to change that.
Take a 20 minute walk at lunch.
Have a green smoothie at snack time.
The mind and the body are one.
Years of negative internal dialogue are affecting your health.
Cut the cord.
It’s time to take care of you!
The time clock is ticking.
Are you going to claim what’s yours before your window of opportunity closes?
YOU DESERVE A GREAT LIFE.
Stop waiting for it to fall in you lap and go take it.